Harsh Realizations
by Emerald Dreams
Summary: Kagome realizes Inuyasha will never love her back. His heart was claimed from the start by the undead priestess fifty years ago... Oneshot. Angst. Character death.


A/N: Another attempt at a dark-fic. Whatever, I suppose it's a lot better than The Aftermath. Anyway, read at your own expense. There's character death and suggestions of rape. Nothing too graphic. Anyway, if it's good enough why don't you review? Brighten up my day why don't ya…

Disclaimer: Never have. Never will. Just get on with the damn fic.

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**Harsh Realizations**

"Inuyasha?"

His mouth stopped moving, as he stopped walking. The hanyou's beautiful amber eyes widened, and then seemed to bulge. His mouth began to twist, and the hand holding the young miko's suddenly clamped down ruthlessly, grinding her finger bones painfully together. She winced, and glanced at him with something akin to desperation and fear shining in her large, chocolate brown eyes. Kagome's voice wavered.

"I-Inuyasha--"

His hand clamped tighter. His mouth had slammed shut now, and it was knotted into an awful grimace of surprise and terror. His ears twitched, as if hearing something far away, something that she was unable to hear with her inferior human ears.

'He's having a heart attack or a stroke!' Kagome thought fearfully, beginning to panic.

"Inuyasha, what's wrong?" she cried. "Inuyasha…oooww, that hurts!"

For one unbearable moment the pressure on the hand he had been holding so lightly and lovingly just before increased until it seemed that the bones would actually splinter and break. The high color in his cheeks was gone, and his skin was as leaden as a slate headstone. He looked frightened, as if he'd just seen a ghost.

He said one word—"Kikyou!"—and suddenly let go of her. He ran forward, using his inhuman speed to rush ahead of her. Kagome watched him, too stunned to move. It was as if she were rooted to the spot, as she stood there, too dazed to comprehend what was going on. Time seemed to have slowed down dramatically, as she watched him run away, away from _her_.

The wind silently rushed past her, her long ebony hair swaying gently, the breeze caressing her face. Kagome's large brown eyes widened. Slowly, she reached out her hand, but then decided against it, and let it drop by her side. It hung limply, her injured hand began to throb painfully.

"_Kikyou!"_

She realized at last it was something about Kikyou—Kikyou, Kikyou, always it was Kikyou. A bitter anger rose in her that was both total and despairing. For the first time she wondered if it really was possible to love him; if Inuyasha would allow it. Tears sprung to Kagome's eyes. Whenever Kikyou called Inuyasha always came. He always left her for his precious Kikyou, as if he were drawn to her like a sailor drawn to a siren's song.

Kagome was always patient. She always stood behind him whenever it was impossible to stand beside him; she always comforted him in his pain, and sympathized with him. She always waited patiently for him to return from his nightly visits with the other miko. Kagome couldn't help but be loyal, for that was in her nature. His pain was her agony.

The young girl recalled a time when he'd asked her in the darkness of night after she'd met up with him in the forest, questioned her, his eyes searching hers, right after she'd seen him with Kikyou. It had been cold that night she remembered vaguely.

"_Why? Why do you wait for me Kagome? Don't you hate me?"_

Back then, she'd been a girl that was optimistic; a girl that was spoilt, lovelorn, and naive... She couldn't help but love him. She couldn't help but want to be near him, even if it hurt her. Back then…she smiled and said…

"_Because…because I love you Inuyasha…and I think I always will."_

Her heart clenched painfully in her chest and tears began to stream down her cheeks. She'd always been selfless. She'd always put his needs above her own. Always. But would it ever be enough? Would she ever be able to truly make him happy? No, for Inuyasha would not allow it. He deemed himself unworthy of being happy long ago…that was why he had promised to leave her and go to hell with Kikyou. Kagome shook her head. She stared at the ground, her vision beginning to blur. A single tear hit the cold earth below, but the miko didn't seem to notice for she was far too lost in her grief, too utterly consumed in her heart wrenching despair.

'Come back…please…Inuyasha…'

"Come back…" Kagome whimpered ever so softly, her soft voice barely audible. Her voice was that of a wounded animal silently begging for help, the voice of a child that was consumed with fear. If anyone she knew had heard her then they would not have recognized her voice, for it sounded broken…lost even. It lacked her usual cheer and mirth that it always seemed to possess.

"Please…" She lifted her head, her beautiful soulful eyes glimmering with tears of sorrow as she stared ahead, in the direction her beloved had ran. He was out of her sight, she couldn't see him anymore. Had he really left her all alone? Once again, had he really chosen Kikyou over her, even if it was subconsciously, had he really chosen her incarnation over her?

Yes, the raven haired girl finally realized, Inuyasha had once again left her for Kikyou. He had once again chosen the dead, almighty Kikyou over _her_.

Anger began to boil within Kagome, anger for her, for her always being weak, and most of all anger aimed at the hanyou that had won her affections so very long ago. Her body began to tremble, her sorrow and fury hitting her full force, causing her to shake as her sobs began to fill the air. Her aura flared. She parted her lips and screamed.

"INUYASHA!"

And then she began to run in the direction she'd seen him leave her.

Kagome ran mindlessly, allowing her feet to carry her across the vacant landscape, the only thing in her mind that kept her going was seeing Inuyasha…just to see if he'd really gone to Kikyou. Would he be shocked when he saw her and realized she'd finally gotten the courage to actually follow after him? Yes, he probably would. Another thought nagged her, hanging in the back of her mind: Why had he been in such a hurry? Was Kikyou in some kind of trouble? Kagome quickly pushed that thought away. For now she would worry about getting there.

Her feet took her to the edge of Inuyasha's Forest, where she finally stopped. She could barely make out two figure's in the distance, one merely a red blob and the other seemingly sitting on the ground. Her eyes widened. She had found them.

Inuyasha and Kikyou.

She took a deep breath and hurried over to where they were, her breath beginning to grow shallow. Anger surged through her once again…the hanyou hadn't even acknowledged her presence yet. When she stood a couple feet behind them, she stopped.

Her anger was quenched the instant she really looked…and saw.

Kagome had not been prepared for the gruesome and horrible sight that had greeted her eyes unexpectedly, leaving her shaken and terrified.

'Kami…'

The miko gasped, stepping away from the horrific scene, terror flooding her features. A metallic taste came to her mouth, and she forced herself to take in gulps of air so that she wouldn't pass out. She dropped her head down, closing her eyes, counting out a full five seconds before she looked up again.

The body of Kikyou lay sprawled out on the ground, her long ebony locks fanned out against the dirt and grime beneath her form. Her miko garb was tattered, reduced to rags, barely shielding her unmoving body from the harsh, cold air. Kagome could see a very deep cut, slashed horizontally under her chest, and another even deeper wound in her abdomen. Her eyes were closed, her face void of emotion. To Kagome she looked as if she was just sleeping…

Inuyasha stood before what remained of Kikyou, seemingly frozen. Eyes wide in horror, he stood that way for a moment. He struggled to swallow something back--a moan, a cry--and then his throat seemed to lock solid, every muscle standing out, each cord standing out, even the blood vessel standing out in perfect relief. It was the throat of a man trying… to hold back tears.

Kagome walked slowly toward him. Her hand still throbbed, and tomorrow it would be swollen and virtually useless, but for now she had forgotten it. Her heart went out to him and seemed to find him; she felt his sorrow and shared it—or it seemed to her that she did.

She watched him through sad eyes, as he slumped to his knees, his eyes lowered to the ground. He reached out for Kikyou and pulled her into his lap. His eyes flickered with anguish as he stared down into her pale face.

"Inuyasha, did Naraku do this?" Kagome asked softly, her voice breaking with grief for him. Though she had come to fiercely dislike Kikyou, to see her reduced to this, Kagome felt she could no longer hold a grudge against her incarnation.

Inuyasha remained quiet. He merely sat in silence, stroking the priestess' long jet black hair, his head lowered slightly. Kagome spoke to him twice. He didn't answer either time. She bit her bottom lip in indecisiveness.

'What should I do? What can I do?' Kagome thought.

She felt horrible. Only a moment before she had been thinking poor thoughts about her incarnation. Only a moment before she had been angry at Inuyasha for leaving her for Kikyou. And now here she was…lying on the cold earth right here before her very eyes, dead. Somehow, even though she knew she wasn't the one who had killed her, for some reason she felt guilty for her death. Because, for a brief second she had wished that Kikyou would just disappear. Disappear forever.

She inhaled deeply, and took a step towards the hanyou.

"Inuyasha?" she tried again. He stayed silent

For what seemed like an eternity, an eerie silence took place. The miko didn't move. The raven haired girl simply stood there, staring at Inuyasha, watching him as he continued to comb his fingers through Kikyou's long hair.

Then, suddenly he froze completely, stilling his movements as his form became tense. Kagome noticed this and her distress seemed to strengthen even more, as she watched him sniff Kikyou. He lowered his head and inhaled, a vile scent reaching his nose. He abruptly sat up, eyes widening even more in horror, as he realized what was splattered all over her clothes.

"What? What is it?"

A terrible low sound began to come from his chest, his molten gold eyes beginning to burn. Kagome took a couple more steps toward him. She looked over his shoulder, saw, and suddenly felt the urge to scream and puke at the same time. Her eyes filled with horror and repulsion, as they took in the white sticky substance on the priestess's red hakama.

She raised a hand to her mouth, feeling vomit begin to rise in her throat.

'_That's…that's…oh my god!'_

"Damn you Naraku!" Inuyasha cried, and his voice was not his own. It was high and shrill and cracked with unbridled fury. Kagome turned around and threw up, seeing small white dots in front of her eyes that expanded like puffed rice, as she fell to her own knees. It was disgusting…how could he stoop so low as to do this?

'Naraku,' Kagome thought angrily, 'you're the lowest scum on the earth!'

"YOU GODDAMN BASTARD!" Inuyasha screamed. "I'LL GET YOU! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! IF IT'S THE LAST MOTHERFUCKING THING I EVER DO!"

She threw up again, and began to cry. For Inuyasha, for Kikyou, and for herself. Nothing would ever be the same again.

………………………

"Kagome-chan?"

The miko blinked and slowly turned to face the taijiya and monk who were staring at her concernedly. They both deemed worried expressions, their eyes flickering with anxiety as they gazed at her somberly. Kagome inwardly smiled. They were so kind, it was just like them to worry over her. She feigned a cheerful smile, hoping it would dispel all of their anxieties and fears. However, no matter how cheerful and brilliant the younger girl's smile seemed to portray her as being, it didn't reach her eyes, which were a whirlwind of emotion. Sango seemed to notice this and her concern for her friend seemed to strengthen ten fold. But it was the monk who spoke next.

"Kagome-sama where are you going?" Miroku whispered quietly.

She tensed. Did they know? She hoped they weren't here to stop her. She had to do this. She needed to do this. Kagome knew she was being selfish but she had to see Inuyasha.

"Oh um I thought I'd take a walk, you know get some fresh air?" she said finally, knowing it sounded lame. She never once stopped smiling. Kagome realized she was getting good at this. She watched as they nodded, seemingly accepting her answer. Nonetheless, the taijiya objected.

"Kagome it's dangerous to go off by yourself. What if Naraku ambushes you? What makes you think he won't take advantage of attacking you while you're by yourself? Please, try to understand it's far too dangerous for you to wander off from camp by yourself," Sango said, "Especially after what…after what happened to Kikyou."

Kagome shook her head. She couldn't let them stop her. Slowly she took a step back, watching them all the while. Miroku tensed visibly at this. Sango's eyes widened considerably. She wasn't going to run, was she?

"Guys…I'm sorry but I have to see him." Kagome exhaled shakily, taking another step back. Miroku understood they could not deter her from going and seeing the hanyou, their attempts were merely futile. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. Placing a hand on the taijiya's shoulder to calm her, he stared at Kagome sadly. The least he could do was offer her a safe haven for when she returned.

"Kagome-sama we'll be here if you need us." Miroku said gently. She nodded.

"Thank you." She spared them one final glance before taking off into the forest.

She ran. She pushed branches out of the way and leaped over tree roots arching out of the earth. Her ebony hair streamed behind her as she made her way through the dense dark forest. Kagome bolted around the vast bow of the ancient trees, crunching the parched ground with the pitter patter of her small feet; Kagome was determined.

'I have to see you…I have to see you Inuyasha.'

Her heart ached painfully. Finally she reached the end of the woods and emerged out into a clearing. She smiled bitter sweetly. This is where they had first met, where she had freed him from Kikyou's enchanted arrow. This is where it had all started.

'I knew you'd be here Inuyasha…'

The full moon was bright in the night sky, showering the world in a mist of moonbeams, as stars glittered across the vast dark abyss. Inuyasha was resting on the soft grass at the base of the God Tree. His head lied on the smooth bark of the ancient tree as his hands laid in his lap, Kikyou's shimidachuu floating silently around him. The hanyou's eyes were closed in deep contemplation. The miko hid behind a tree, transfixed by the phenomenon. She peeked her head out and watched him silently.

She knew he would be here, but she had never anticipated that Kikyou's soul collectors would be here as well. To Kagome it made absolutely no sense. Her incarnation was dead. Why were they still alive? And more importantly, why were they lingering near Inuyasha?

'How? Kikyou's dead…how are her shimidachuu still here?' The miko was thoroughly confused. And what was Inuyasha doing?

The hanyou's eyes fluttered open, and he stared up at the moon. It was eerily beautiful, he decided just like Kikyou. It reminded him of his beloved almost too much, and he clenched his eyes shut.

"I love you…I'll always love you Kikyou…" Kagome felt her soul break into pieces.

"I promise, Kikyou. I will always be yours." The shimidachuu glowed and began to leave the clearing, floating into the sky.

Kagome's body trembled and she allowed her body to sag against the tree, sliding down it until she came to rest on the cold earth. Her heart clenched painfully in her chest as she realized even in death Inuyasha's heart would always belong to Kikyou. Always. She would never have Inuyasha. Tears of grief welled in her eyes and she began to sob. She buried her head in her hands, unable to control her gasping cries as they fell from her lips. Inuyasha would never be with her. His heart had been claimed by Kikyou fifty years ago.

As the miko continued to cry out her anguish and sorrow, Inuyasha's eyes filled with unshed tears as he stood, his ears flattening against his skull. He hated hurting her. He did. But he could never return her feelings, not for as long as he lived. He would always love Kikyou.

Inuyasha began to walk away, Kagome's sobs and cries of sadness ringing in his ears. He had failed Kikyou. And in a way he had failed Kagome. The harsh realization caused pain to swell in his chest.

'I'm sorry Kagome…'

Once again, he was walking away from her, but this time Kagome did not run after him. He did not love her. The harsh realization caused pain to shoot through her already crushed heart. He was beautiful. Slowly, she lifted her head, a dry whisper falling from her lips, begging him to come back. Her chest hitched with sobs. Déjà vu hit her square in the chest, and as Inuyasha walked further and further away from her loneliness threatened to consume her very soul. She knew he was the only one capable of making that feeling go away. He was her soul mate, without him in her life, she would remain empty forever.

Her hand fell back to her side, her soulful brown eyes glimmering with tears. It was no use. He would never come back to her. Perhaps she and Kikyou were destined to live the same fate, destined to lead similar lives. Destined to be alone. Bearing the responsibility of the Jewel of Four Souls, Kikyou had lived alone. Bearing the responsibility of the Jewel of Four Souls, Kikyou had died alone. The harsh realization caused more tears to stream down her porcelain cheeks. Five hundred years later, bearing the responsibility of the Jewel of Four Souls, she, Kagome, was just like Kikyou. Still the same lonely teenage girl seeking love from the same oblivious half demon named Inuyasha. Yes, Kagome realized. She was destined to live the rest of her life alone. She was destined to die alone. Just like her incarnation. Just like Kikyou.

She bowed her head again, her bangs shielding her eyes.

'I love you…Inuyasha…'

But he would never love her back.


End file.
